An Open Letter to Apple Fanboys

Dear Apple Fanboy,

Today I took a trip to my local Best Buy for no particular reason at all. I had a few hours to kill and decided to check out the latest and greatest electronic devices that I could never afford to buy. I’m not sure if it was me you were waiting for, or if you were simply roaming the computer section of the store like a lion patrolling its territory, but one things for sure; you were ready to attack.

I should have recognized you, I’ve seen your type before. Hoodie, one of those beanies with a tiny bill, a backpack (how did you get in to Best Buy with that thing on?) and the token white cord snaking up from the inside of your hoodie pocket, connecting to your ear.

As I unsuspectingly browsed the newest laptops, you watched my every move. But it wasn’t until you overheard me talking to a store employee that you came in for the kill.

“I’m just looking,” I told the store employee. “I do a little graphic design and video work every now and then, but nothing major. I spend 90% of my time checking Web sites and e-mail,” I replied when he asked me what I use my computer for.

What was it that made you come up to me and start a conversation? Were your Apple products away on vacation and you soon became lonely, perhaps even desperate, for some human interaction? But I digress.

“I heard you do some graphic design, ya got a Mac,” you asked. “I’m waiting on the MacBook Air I just ordered myself.”

And then I told you something that blew your mind… I told you that I’ve never owned a Mac and haven’t really ever worked on one. In fact, I used a 3 year old PC running Windows XP, but it got the job done. I’ve never had any problems with it.

I should have just said I owned a Mac, perhaps then you would have asked me to give you a hi-five and walked off, but hindsight is 20/20. Instead I had to listen to a half-brained rant about Micro$oft products sucking and Apple products pwning the world.

Your final words to me really summed up the conversation nicely… “You’re favorite color must be blue, eh,” you asked me… And when I replied with a simple “Why?”, you smirked and said, “You use Micro$oft… you gotta be familiar with the blue screen of death.”

Too bad I’ve never actually seen that blue screen of death on my PC. Too bad it has been running smoothly for three years and I only need to reboot when I install something that asks for it. In fact, at the time of writing this I have an uptime of almost two months…

I guess my point of this letter it to tell you to fuck off. I’m sure Apple products are lovely, but I don’t use them. I *gasp* don’t even own an iPod. My problem isn’t with the products you use, it’s with the attitude you have when using them. Perhaps you’ve been living in Appletopia for too long now, but I’ve got news for you; it’s just another computer (mp3 player, etc.)…

As far as I’m concerned, you can live in your dungeon and stroke your Apple products for the rest of eternity, but please, please leave me out of it. Just as I shut the door in the face of a Jehovah’s Witness for trying to convert me to something I have no interest in, I’d tell you to enjoy your life, but no thanks, I’m good.

So next time you feel like prowling the PC section of an electronics store, I’d like to remind you that most people don’t give a shit what OS their computer runs, as long as it works. I mean, come on, don’t you have something better you could be doing anyway? I hear there are some Apple articles on Digg not doing to well… maybe you could go save them.

Sincerely,

The guy that just wanted to look at a few laptops without being attacked.